Sometimes I feel that I tend to be one of those who disappoints others. Not deliberately, but subconsciously. I don't mean that people are always disappointed in me, but sometimes I do things, or don't do things, and therefore results in disappointment. I think mostly I disappoint myself.
Here's what I'm trying to say.
In the past I have always put out there what I want to accomplish; my goals. Whether it's to get healthier, make something new, do something cool, go somewhere nice, etc, etc..I've put it out there for the world to see, mostly it has to do with me getting my weight and me getting healthier because that's the thing that weighs on me heavily, no pun intended.
Here's what it looks like:
Posts by me...
"So excited to start doing Zumba" or "I love my zumba class, I'm going to go everyday!" or "Zumba is the best class and a great workout - I'm addicted".
Well, guess what happens. I put that out there, I go to the class twice and then I stop. That's it. It's over.
Then I get people asking me, "So how is the Zumba class going?"
Me: "umm, well I haven't gone since that last time".
Person: "oh, really, why?"
Me: "I don't know, just haven't gone - I need to get back into it though".
Do you see how disappointing that can be for others, but mostly for myself, to confront the fact that I have quit for no reason at all.
I do this ALLLL the time.
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Another example:
Me: "Hey {friend} we should go to the gym every morning at 5:30, I need to do this so bad and I can't do it alone".
Friend: "Yeah let's go for sure! I'll be there to support you." (she's so awesome)
Me: Great, see you there bright and early."
Well, the morning comes, I meet her there, we work out, and repeat the next morning.
Then, after a few days, I stop for one reason or another...but always with an excuse. (sad).
That ends that. However my friend still goes. I'm pathetic.
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Here's another one...
Family member: "Hey Shannon you should sign up on this fitness site and enter your food intake, and exercise tracker in there daily, it's way cool and way motivating! We've already lost {x amount of} pounds!"
Me: "Sounds great, I'll do it!"
I start, and I enter everything in for the first couple of days, then slowly I stop. I forget to log things in, even though I'm exercising, and trying to eat within my calorie goal for the day. Next thing I know it says on my page "Shannon hasn't logged in for 3 days". Then people see it, and I feel like I'm a disappointment again to them...but mostly to me.
I don't understand my way of thinking. I don't understand why I can't stick with things. I automatically know that when I do some kind of health related activity with someone else that I'm going to fail at it. UGH!
So, I've decided that since I do these silly things I'm not going to post about whatever workout I'm going to try. I'm not going to post about how I want to be a runner, or how I want to try HCG, or whatever it is. I'm not going to tell you. I'm not going to let you know if I've lost a pound or two. I'm not going to try a health program with you because if I do, I will fail. I have to do it on my own. I did it before and I can do it again.
Love,
Me
