That Day part 2

I meant to write this and have it posted on the anniversary of my Dad's passing...but I didn't want to remember the sadness of it all that day. I wanted to celebrate his life and his legacy.

But I also know that if I don't write it out that someday I'll forget and I don't want that to happen. 

So, here it is...

Remember the email I talked about in the last post? Well, Tuesday January 12th I woke up to that email from Dad, however, didn't read it until later that day after everything. I'll get to that email in a moment. 

Mom sent a text to Erin, who sent a text to the whole family that morning around 10:30. "Dad is sick today. Mom asked that I send a text to all to keep him in your prayers." Normally this kind of text wouldn't worry me so much; he had a lot of health problems, but today I knew something was different about this text. It worried me. Alot. 

I pulled my back two days before, called mom and dad on Sunday letting them know. So glad I had those few minutes to talk to Dad. I went into work that morning in a lot of back pain. My boss said I could go home whenever I needed to. I was in a lot of pain around 2 pm, so I started gathering things and let her know I was heading home. 

The feeling the I needed to go see my Dad was strong and had been that whole day. On my way home I decided to go up Bangerter Hwy and head up to Eagle Mountain that way. I called Erin and told her I had left work early and was heading to Mom and Dad's to see Dad. She said that Mom had gone to the store to get a thermometer for Dad, and told me to just go to her house because Dad was sleeping. 

I stopped at her house, played with my nieces Tara and Cora and just hung out for a little while. I told Erin I was worried about Dad. After about 20 minutes of being there I jumped up and said, "I need to go see Dad now." and headed right out the door without really saying good bye. Had that feeling again that I needed to be there. 

I drove to their condo and as I entered the parking lot and got towards their house I had a very ominous feeling, like something telling me not to go in yet. So, I drove past it, called my Mom and asked her where she was. "I'm one minute up the road. Where are you?" she asked.  "uh, I'm...driving around your condo." I replied. "why? go inside the house I'll be there in 30 seconds." she said. 

As I parked and started walking up to their front door that feeling came so strongly, "just wait". I was so worried that I was going to find my Dad. 

I walked in, peeked in the dark bedroom and noticed the bed was flat, "he's not laying down...", I thought. I checked to see if he was sitting in his chair - he wasn't. I checked his office - he wasn't there. So, that same feeling came for me to wait. I sat on the couch in anticipation of something...not sure what...but I sat and waited. 

1 minute later Mom walked in the door. 

Me: "Mom I can't find Dad." 

Mom: "what do you mean you can't find Dad. He's here..." "Doug! Doug! Doug!" She shouted around the house to find out where he went. "Oh I just heard him. He just called my name. He's probably in our bathroom too embarrassed to come out (he had been vomiting all morning and wasn't wearing clothes because he had no energy.)" 

She grabbed some clean garments for him and walked into their room and shut the door. 

As she shut the door the anticipation came on so strong and I knew something was about to happen. It was like I was waiting for her to call my name. 

Mom: "Shannon!"

Me: (walking into their room) "yeah?"

Mom: "Call 911!!"

I entered the room to see what was happening. There was Dad on the floor by the bed. slumped up partially against the bed, and partially on the floor. It was as if he had fainted from the bathroom entry, which was just a few feet from the bed. Worry and fear came upon me

Frantically I called 911. I started almost jogging in place not knowing what to do. As they asked for the address, and me not knowing what it was, and frantically asking mom what it was, and them not understanding what I said and having to ask her again to repeat it was the worst feeling ever! Precious time was being wasted - I needed them there. Now! They asked what the building number was. I ran outside to find it, and then ran back in, in a panic. 

Mom was calling me to help her. "Help me lift him!" I wrapped my arms around his chest to try and lift him but couldn't. He wouldn't budge. Mom kept hitting his back, "Wake up Doug! Wake up!" She proceeded to slap his face to get him to breathe. "Mom, he's gone! He's gone! He's not breathing!" I cried. He was pale, still warm, but so pale. 

Meanwhile 911 is still on the phone asking if we can do CPR on him. "No, we can't even move him and he's in a position where we can't!" 

I've never felt so helpless in my entire life!

Minutes later the EMT's arrived. I had no idea there were there until they were there. "Let us take over." they said. 

Mom and I went into the living room while they worked on Dad. I called Erin sobbing, "Erin I think Dad is dead! I think he's dead! The EMT's are working on him but please call all the siblings and let them know. I'll keep you posted." Erin was frantic as well. 

Sharon just happened to walk in the house right then, crying. "what is going on?!" She and I embraced. "I think Dad is dead!" Megan was on the phone calling asking what was happening. Right then the EMT's came out of the bedroom. "How is he? I worriedly asked. "He's already passed." the EMT softly said. Sharon cried out as we continued to embrace and cry together. Megan heard it as well, "No!!" she cried on the phone. 

Immediately I called my Uncle Dick, Dad's only living sibling. He didn't answer the first time so I called my Aunt Jan, but she didn't answer. I called Uncle Dick again and this time he answered. 

Dick: "hello?" 

Me: "Uncle Dick? This is Shannon"

Dick: "Hi Shannon!"

Me: "My Dad is dead. He's dead!"

Dick: "What?! No! No! No! Oh Shannon No!"

We talked only for a moment so he could tell his family and so I could tell others as well. He would arrive late that night from St. George. 

The next little while is a blur to me. All I remember is people I didn't know coming into the house and getting to work; cleaning, bringing in meals. It was literally like Angels were flying around us helping us. My Mom's ward was so amazing!

I called Ryan and cried to him on the phone. He couldn't understand me at first, "My Dad is dead!" He immediately came over. 

Erin had told the siblings that she wasn't sure what was happening but that we should get to mom and dads house. 

Sean called, Caiti called to see what was going on. Mom - who was so calm in all of this told them. "I went to the store and came back and he was gone. I was only out for maybe 30 minutes. But he called my name!" 

One by one siblings arrived, in tears. I called Conn to see where he was. He was sobbing on the phone letting me know he's trying to get there as fast as he can but he was coming from East Salt Lake by the bench. "be careful driving but please hurry!" I cried.

As each sibling came to the house we cried and embraced each other. They wanted to see Dad. He was still in the same position as when we found him. Police were there asking mom and I questions. It was quick. They knew it was health related. Wing mortuary was contacted by one of the officers for us. They came quickly ready to take him...but we weren't ready. We didn't want him gone yet. My brothers and those from the mortuary helped get him onto the bed where he layed for the next 3-4 hours. 

At this point we all were able to kneel down next to dad together, cry, be together as a family, feel the angels all around us - literally like the heavens opened up and there they were. We felt them. They were there. And Dad was there. 

Grandkids were told as they arrived to the house. Tears and so much sadness ensued. "He was the best Grampa ever!" they cried. 

Around 5pm we all gathered in the room and Quinn offered a prayer. It was amazing. There was Dad laying so peacefully on the bed. There was no pain, there was no trauma. He went so peacefully...that I know. We took pictures with him, mom kissed him. It was sad, but it was beautiful. 

Around 6:30 we said we were ready for them to take him. As they wheeled him out of the room we sang, 'Go ye now in peace', and walked out the door behind him to the van that would carry his body to the mortuary. It was beautiful. Surreal, but so beautiful. 

We all went back into the house and Mom asked that we all read the scriptures where her and Dad left off. 1 Nephi 8. It was amazing the message in it, and the significance of that moment. 

34 These are the words of my father: For as many as heeded them, had fallen away.

 35 And Laman and Lemuel partook not of the fruit, said my father.

 36 And it came to pass after my father had spoken all the words of his dream or vision, which were many, he said unto us, because of these things which he saw in a vision, he exceedingly feared for Laman and Lemuel; yea, he feared lest they should be cast off from the presence of the Lord.

 37 And he did exhort them then with all the feeling of a tender parent, that they would hearken to his words, that perhaps the Lord would be merciful to them, and not cast them off; yea, my father did preach unto them.

My Dad was always so loving in his way of sharing the Gospel with us. This was such a perfect read that night. 

As we finished reading we talked and cried. Mom said that on Sunday Dad told her that he finished his book. He also gathered insurance together and had things ready, unbeknownst to him. He even finished writing his obituary. 

As we talked I remembered the email he sent at 1:53am that morning (he was an insomniac and was usually up during the night writing). I opened it and read it out loud to everyone...the subject line was "preparing to say goodbye". It was one of those forwarded emails and it was about Clint Eastwood. 

Subject: RE: Preparing To Say Good-Bye
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 2016 01:07:04 -0700

..."Can't argue with Clint, Ken, especially after losing my younger sister a year ago while she was doing some church service...I mean, she had just come home from shopping, and collapsed.  So Clint has it right...tell those you love how you feel about them and where you stand on things important...just in case it's your day and time and hour... And glad I'm around at nearly 74 this Thursday to tell my wife, kids and in laws and grandkids and friends how much I love them...always.  

 Love and Egg Nog(the last of it, sad to say)

Doug"

Can you believe it! Those were my Dad's last words to us. AMAZING! What a guy! So thankful for those last words. 

As I write all of this and remember this day my heart aches. Tears have been shed. But the knowledge I have of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the plan of salvation trumps all sadness. It is real. My Dad is still around. I've felt it. I've heard him. The veil is thin my friends. So thin! I believe our loved ones can help us more on that side than they ever could on this side. So thankful for that! I can't even fathom the amazing things he's experiencing. 

My heart still aches for him. I still cry for him but I feel like I'm finally able to start life again. It's been the hardest year! The range of emotions I've felt has been unreal. Hard. So hard. But so beautiful. 

I love my Dad...oh so much! 

...that day. Part 1

 ...where do I even begin? This is going to be a lengthy writing so I am splitting it up throughout this month as we approach the year mark of my Dad's passing.

I have wanted to post something this entire year, but each time I try to I just can't, it's too hard. But it needs to be done, so I am forcing myself to do this before I forget the details. I don't think the words I type out will even begin to describe the emotions felt that day and this whole year, nor will it do justice for the amazing miracles we saw.

That day. It's a word commonly used with my family, specifically between me and Mom. The day my sweet, tender, loving, gentle-giant Father passed away.

Throughout the years I have always been so fearful of my parents passing away. At times when those thoughts came up tears would be stream down my face, followed by a phone call to my Mom or Dad telling them, "neither of you can die before me just so you know. I wouldn't be able to handle it!", to which they would reply, "I've already made a deal with Heavenly Father that it's not going to happen." Death is inevitable - I knew that, and they knew that, but they always helped me feel at ease about it.

About a year or so ago the fears of them passing became a little more intense. Anytime I'd hear one of my Dad's Lettermen songs I'd burst into tears, and I'd be talking to myself in the car as if I was giving my Dad's Eulogy, (I know...weird) and talking about his amazing legacy and the amazing life he lead, to which again was followed by a phone call to Dad, to remind him of the deal he made. He'd always reassure me that it will be ok; that he's not planning to go anytime soon, and that all will be well.

Dad had a lot of health issues. It was all mostly due to his size. He loved food. Dad was Diabetic (type 2), had Neuropathy in his feet, Glaucoma - due to his Diabetes, and had this horrible face nerve issue, called Trigeminal Neuralgia.  You'd be sitting there talking to him and all of a sudden the nerves in his face would flare up and hurt him. He'd hit his face so fast to try and get rid of it. It was horrible to watch. I always had to turn my head away because I couldn't watch him punch his face like that. It was so painful to him. The slightest muscle movement in his face would trigger it. When I'd try to hug him at times he'd make sure I was so careful not to touch his face. Poor guy.

Dad had insomnia. He'd sleep during the day and be up all night. Those were the times where a lot of his creativity happened. He'd write emails upon emails to his friends and family - that's how he liked to communicate. He'd send forwarded emails, church related emails, spiritual emails, funny emails, emails where we were blind copied on them, lol! So funny. A lot of the times we would bypass those emails, or just take a quick glance. I'd try to reply to them as often as possible. He'd thank me for responding saying, "you are the one who replies to my emails the most - I appreciate it".

These emails would be sent between once to several times a day, or more, especially if he was trying to plan one of our birthday parties. I think the record was 72 emails going back and forth all day. Mercy! Sometimes, alot of times, we'd get annoyed. I remember a conversation I had with my sister Erin a year or so ago. We were complaining about Dad's party planning email and how we wish he would just let us take over the planning so he wouldn't have to worry about it, etc. I said to her..."I know these emails can get annoying, but the day will come where we won't get any at all...and we'll miss them."

Who would have thought that the email he sent us that day would be the most important email we've received from him, and the last.

...to be continued.

We got a Lexus for Christmas!!!

It was so exciting to have my step-daughter, Lexus, here for Christmas this year. It was the first Holiday we've ever spent with her in 16 years. It was an awesome time having her at the home and sharing in the magic of Christmas with her.

I love this girl so much. I have always wanted to be a mom and even though things haven't worked out in my favor, with having my own children, Lexus has made me a Mom and for that I am so grateful.

There were a few nights when Ryan had to go to sleep early, to get ready for his graveyard shift job. Lexus and I took that time and made the most of it, just hanging out, just the two of us.

-We went shopping at Old Navy with some of our Christmas money. Got matching scarves.
-Introduced her to the best Ice Cream at Cold Stone.
-She educated me on some of her favorite musicians and songs while driving in the car. The song, "thinking out loud" by Ed Sheeran is now a favorite of mine.
-We went to my parents house to hang out with them and some of my siblings. I loved seeing her interact with everyone, and everyone with her. She and my Dad had some good chats. He declared that she looks like a young Doris Day. I agree. Such a beauty.
-We took a few stops to 7-11 for our favorite drinks before driving around.
-We had some really good talks.
-We made a gingerbread house
-We watched 1D music videos.
-We went to Temple Square for all the lights.
-We had Happy Sumo for Christmas Eve lunch


Gosh, I just loved hanging out with her. She is my favorite 17 year old by far. ;) I feel so lucky to be her step-mom. :)

Here are a whole bunch of pictures of our time together...and totally out of order.

We got her a laptop for Christmas so she can continue to pursue her photography.

She was thrilled!!!

Christmas PJ's.

Hanging around Temple Square with all the other thousands of people on Christmas Eve. 

Daddy/Daughter picture

The girls got matching PJ bottoms. We're so hot! 

Visiting my parents on Christmas Eve. 

Christmas Eve Lunch. Happy Sumo. Yum!

Photo op outside Happy Sumo. 

SHE'S HERE!!!!!!

The day before she got here Jane and Jasi and I went to Tucano's for lunch. So yumm! Love these fabulous ladies. So grateful we're family.

Lexus getting acquainted with Max.

^^A day at the aquarium^^

Cold Stone was a HIT! 

Time passing

The end of October is upon us now. Crazy to think that my last entry was in June. Not a whole lot going on. 

I love my new job at Nexsense. I am sooo incredibly grateful to be working for a company that has Integrity, Values, and Thrives in having fun, and being a family. I am blessed indeed. It such a neat experience to be a part of the start of a company, a company whose mission is to provide happiness. Being a Call Center Manager is no easy feat, but it sure is rewarding. I'm enjoying every aspect of this right now. I am grateful to be working with people who support me in my decisions and lets me make those decisions by giving me wings to fly and make it the best. 

On the home front not a lot is going on. My Younique Business has been great and very exciting. Can't wait to see where I am a year from now. :)

Ryan is struggling finding a job. It's been tough on him. Please send prayers his way. I know something good will come his way as he trudges through lots of job postings, applying, interviewing and ultimately rejection. He's so talented. 

On the real side...everyday is a struggle for me. I have lost all control with my eating habits. I don't work out like I was in the spring. I struggle emotionally and that has turned to seeing a therapist. I tend to think that when I'm not eating right or working out right that everyone is looking and their so disappointed in me. I have a lot to learn about me, and a lot to work on. 

Oh life - why can't it just be perfect? lol! ;)

In the meantime I need to write more. I need to keep my journal going. 

 

New adventure

So, I did something totally unexpected a few weeks ago.

It started with being on FB one day and seeing a group invite to my friend's Mascara party. Yeah, you heard right. MASCARA PARTY. On Facebook. An online party. Say what?!

I was intrigued when I saw before and after pictures of women showing off this "magic mascara". I was so intrigued that after a few days of being tempted to try, and after lots of you tube videos showing demo's of it, I bit the bullet and bought it, much to Ryan's dismay. 

A few days later it came in the mail and I was hooked. And after seeing that my friend earned over $100 in FREE makeup I contacted the Younique Presenter that was doing my friends online party and asked her how I could do a party. She explained it all to me, set up the party and the rest is history. 

To make a long story short after my party was over, and I earned $55 worth of FREE makeup and 2 half off items, I talked to the Presenter, Corina, about the details on how this whole thing worked. 

Let's take a trip down memory lane before proceeding with the rest of the story...

I have been in the MLM (multi -level marketing) business for the past 8 years. 7 years with XANGO, and 1 year with my current company. However, I have worked on the corporate end of things meaning that I help Distributors succeed in their own business. Since doing this I have pledged that I would NEVER sign up with an MLM company, only because I couldn't do what they do...

-have at home presentations

-talking to everyone about their business and getting them to sign up

-paying for a monthly autoship

-understanding crazy commissions and compensation plans (ugh!)

Etc! It never appealed to me. EVER. 

Ok, back to a few weeks ago. When Corina explained how things worked I was shocked. Like seriously SHOCKED at how easy and non-complicated this company was. I learned that Younique wasn't an MLM company, but a Direct Sales company. THEY ARE DIFFERENT. Very different. There is no monthly autoship that you have to have. There is no renewal fee. You don't make commission when people sign up. Their commissions are paid INSTANTLY, instead of monthly like it is with MLM's. And best of all. NO HOME PRESENTATIONS (unless you really want to...I don't). I can have parties on Facebook. HOLLA! I mean it's so perfect. I'm on FB all the time as it is, why not make money doing it. 

I talked to Ryan about this and felt like I NEEDED to sign up. So, I did. And guess what? I have earned my start up fee back, and have actually doubled that price in 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS! 

I am so excited to be a part of the Younique family. This is a fabulous company! 

So, here's my website if anyone is interested in taking a look at their products, especially the 3D Fiber Mascara. It's life changing, I tell ya!

So happy for this new adventure! I'm looking forward to enjoying financial freedom. oh yes!

If anyone wants to earn free product by hosting an online party, let me know. I do all the work, all you do is invite your friends to the group page. Easy peasy!

-Shan

small successes

Check out my latest post on my new blog. Before/During pictures. This shows my getting healthy success thus far. Still have a LOOOOONG way to go. Baby steps.

Fun times with the sister, Jasi's b-day, etc

PS...blogger is being stupid and is messing up how I want to post these. And leaves huge gaps at the beginning on the posts...gah!

At the end of February my little sis Caitilin (Caiti) came to town with her youngest boy, Liam.

Fun was had by all. 

And now that she as made the announcement public...

She is having baby #4 in August. 

And...

IT'S A GIRL!

This Mom of 3 boys is finally getting her girl. 

We are thrilled!

Caiti and nephew Aidan hijacked my phone.

Liam & Lily are best of friends. They were so happy playing together, dancing together. And of course crying together when they bump into each other. 

Grampa with Liam & Lily.

Sweet picture of Grampa & Lily


Isn't he precious!?!

In the car waiting for Mommy.

We had a girls night and drove up to Maxwell's restaurant in Salt Lake to see little brother, Conn, sing
and do his Jazz thing.

Caiti excited about seeing them perform.

Rob is basically a member of the family.

Me & Conn.

Newscaster Ron Bird on Channel 2 news posted this picture on Instagram of himself, Conn and Rob, when they performed there one morning. Such a cool thing to see my little bro on TV. 

He's so talented!

Us silly ladies

More selfies in the car with Liam.

We had beautiful weather for the most part.

About a week before Ryan's b-day we went out on the town.
We are selfies fanatics...obviously.

almost 9 years of marriage to this man...never a dull moment.

My awesome, lovely, kind, funny SIL, Jasi, had a birthday in February. 

I love this pretty lady!

And I know she just LOVES me for having posted this montage of pictures of her. 

Hehe!