Music

I'm really slacking on this blog. I think about how I used to be pretty good at writing in my journal, and how I haven't done that in a long time because I've had this blog. However, I didn't use this blog as a place to let out feelings like I did with my Journal. I mean, I do share my feelings but not like I would in a journal. But, I think I'd like to start - if you don't mind. :)

It's amazing to me the feelings I get when I listen to certain music. Sometimes I'll hear a certain song and immediately my eyes will well up with tears as it brings me back to different times in my life. Sometimes those times were difficult, sometimes they were happy, sometimes they were neutral and had mixed feelings.

Maybe it's a song that I've never heard of but the chords in the song bring me to a feeling of desperation, loneliness, nostalgia. This happened the other day when Erin played a song for me in her car as we drove around during lunch. The song is called, "I wasn't prepared" by Eisley. At first it kind of annoyed me, but after hearing it for the second time I felt the desperation in that song. It was amazing! I know that sounds weird, but the key change and minor chords in songs touch me so deeply it's hard to not be amazed by it...and honestly it's these types of songs that make me cry. I don't know why.

In a way it brings me back to my childhood in Hawaii. A time that I loved, a time filled with so many memories, a time that was dificult, a time where I learned so many things, a time where music was abundant, especially those awesome 70's soft rock songs. Maybe that's why I cry when I listen to these songs.

A few songs that also makes me feel this way are, "I believe" by the Lettermen, "This never happened before" by Paul McCartney, "Honolulu City Lights", "Time" by the Alan Parsons Project, "Graduation day" by the Lettermen, and more recently "Brighter then Sunshine" by Aqualung.

I think it's a psychological thing that I do. I think in a way I like to feel that desperation, that sadness at times that music brings, that nostalgia. I remember when I was little, about 5 or 6 years old, I was sitting in a chair in our living room in Hawaii. I had just finished watching the movie musical, "Oliver". I remember how sad it was seeing a boy who was an orphan and didn't have a Mom and Dad. I remember sitting there and singing very softly the song, "where is love". I was in my own little world acting as if I was Oliver and I didn't have a family. I remember sitting there as tears were streaming down my face while I continued to softly sing it. Then I realized my Dad was in the room with me so I stopped. But to this day I remember the feeling I felt when I sang that song to myself, acting like I was Oliver. Silly, I know.

Maybe that's why whenever I hear a song that has those "sad" keys and chords to it, I get weepy. But I actually feel those feelings in songs. It's like I'm the one they're singing about, or the song is actually about someone I love who maybe is no longer with me. I don't know! I can't explain the feeling I get when music is playing.

But I love it, and could never live without it.