Confessions of a food-a-holic

Growing up I was always the fat kid. Ok, not fat just a little chunkier then the others. I wasn't always this way. I think I started using food as my comfort when I hit 3rd grade. Before then I was normal size (I think) - except for height - I was always the taller one.

Food became a major source of comfort for me when I was nervous, anxious, stressed, sad, whatever. It continues to be this way today.

However, there was a time in my life where that was completely opposite. A time where food meant nothing to me, except that it was "evil as in the fru-its of the de-vil - evil." (name that movie)

I was a Senior in High School. I was determined to graduate skinny. And I did.

The reason why I write this confession is because just yesterday Ryan was driving with my oldest sister to work. Somehow I became part of their conversation and Megan said something to this effect,

"Shannon was always a good example of losing weight. She motivated me to lose weight, she was really driven at one time".

Yes, I was really driven and determined to lose weight. But in no way was it a good example of how you should lose weight.

I didn't eat. Plain and simple.

Ok, I lied I did eat. Here's what my food consisted of...

Monday: 1 carrot stick
Tuesday: 1 celery stick
Wednesday: 4 slices of plain bread
Thursday: 1 Carrot stick
etc, etc...

Yeah, pretty bad, I know.

Before I started this my friend Lisa would come to the choir room each day as lunch started and we'd go to the cafeteria together for lunch. However, once I stopped eating I would hide from her. I knew she'd come in, but I didn't want to tell her that I wasn't eating because she'd be mad. So, I hid from her so I didn't have to go and eat. This continued on for a few months.

I remember my sister Caiti crying to my mom one day because she was upset that I was losing weight and getting skinnier. I didn't know if it's because she wanted to lose weight too or what...but she was upset. My mom told me this after she had talked to her. She said, "Caiti is sad because she wishes she could lose weight like you" or something like that. My reaction was confusion. I didn't understand why she wanted to lose weight like I did because I knew I wasn't doing it right.

One time while I was at home with Mom and Dad they had asked me if I wanted something for dinner from Taco Time. I told them to get me a taco salad. They did. I went down in my room to "eat" it. Obviously nothing went into my stomach. I would chew the food and then spit it out before swallowing. Then I sneaked outside to throw it away in the big garbage bins in the carport.

Again, this went on for a few months. I lost a lot of weight. About 40-50 lbs. I looked good!

I remember I stopped getting my period and that really freaked me out. So, I slowly started eating again, but I wouldn't put anything in my mouth that had fat. If I wanted some ice-cream I'd get fat-free sorbet. But I still didn't eat much.

I continued to lose weight. I remember standing in front of the mirror with just my bra and underwear on and I could see my ribs. I loved the feeling of it - but I still knew it wasn't right.

There! I said it. I think to this day my family members still think I was a "good" example of losing weight, but I wasn't.

To this day I still have a hard time eating certain things. Butter is one of them (although I now only use it while cooking, if I'm not using Olive Oil, and it has to be unsalted) Regular Ice-cream (I prefer frozen yogurt, although I do still eat some ice-cream when I'm really wanting it), melted cheese (it has to be crispy for me because of the look of all the oil in it - can't do it). I can't make cookies with crisco or butter, I have to use apple sauce (which is a better alternative anyway).

So, there you have it.

Conference Cinnamon Rolls

Growing up, my Mom would make homemade Cinnamon Rolls each and every Conference. It was tradition. I've tried in the past few years to follow that tradition and make Cinnamon Rolls for me and Ryan.

However, they've never quite worked out. If you know me, you know that I'm not the best at cooking or baking, specifically anything that has to do with making bread. I can never seems to get it right.

Last year I went to NC to visit my sister and her fam. She's always been an amazing cook, and baker. She and bread get along GREAT! She taught me step by step how to make her famous pizza dough. I watched in awe as she got the dough just right...soft like a baby's bottom. More from NC here.

Waking up Sunday morning I was up and ready to take on the challenge of making home-made Cinnamon rolls. Sure it would have been easier to just buy the rhodes rolls or something, but I wanted the challenge. I had to prove to myself that I could do it.

So, I start making the first batch after following a recipe online. I realized after I made the dough that it called for 'instant yeast', I only had regular active yeast. Can't they just be the same? I knew the dough wasn't going to be good for the rolls so I opted to try a second batch rather then use that first one; this time finding a recipe for Active yeast, not instant.

Here's the outcome of it. What do you think?! Let me just tell you...they were DE-LISH! The cream cheese frosting was to die for! I'm proud of myself. I think I'll sing the "proud of you song". :)

I don't get it.

{This post is strictly my opinion - I don't mean to offend}

For the past few months now I've wondered and pondered something.

I like knowing why people do what they do. I remember back in my college days in my psychology class our teacher wanted us to watch people for a week and then write a paper on it. We had to watch them as they interacted with people, or maybe they were alone; but studying their every move.

I personally loved this assignment! I'm a people watcher. I like to understand why people do the things they do. I remember sitting in my choir class one day looking at the cliques going on. I studied them. I found that together they were loud, abnoxious, and didn't talk to anyone but themselves. But once they broke apart they seemed completely lost, quiet, totally insecure. Did they really need each other that bad to survive?

This brings me to my point of this post. After looking at a few different posts by different people on Facebook one day, I got upset. I don't recall what exactly they said but it was something about the church and how that person doesn't believe in it anymore, or how a person who used to go to church now drinks, etc, etc.

I immediately IM'd my friend Kristine. I just needed to vent. "I don't get it!" I told her. "I don't get how people who were always faithful in the church have now turned away and brag about drinking, smoking, living up the life they've been missing out on." I just don't get it! And it kind of makes me mad how they like to flaunt it.

What happened?! What happened in their life that was so bad? I really want to know. I'm not out to judge anyone or anything like that but I'm just curious how it all happens. Why do they do what they do?

Before I met Ryan I knew this guy who had had an affair while he was married. We talked about it one night and he told me that he was mad that he was ex-communicated because of it, and had fallen away from the church. This was my thought process...

"What?! You're mad because of something YOU participated in that wasn't right? You're mad that the church doesn't tolerate that? Really?! WOW! No one forced you to do what you did. You made the choice."

I've had my share of bad choices in life; things I regret for sure. I know first hand how the Atonement works and have seen it work many times in my life. Because of this and many other things I could never deny what I know is true. Never!

I am so grateful for the plan of happiness. I am grateful that we're not alone here on this earth to battle our daily challenges. I'm grateful to know that at the times I feel the most alone, I'm not. I'm grateful to feel my Heavenly Fathers loving arms around me when I need it.

Battlefield - dance

Holy moly! I totally got the chills as I watched this dance that I found on Nicole's blog. I've never really watched "So you think you can dance", but LOVED this dance. Wow! So powerful!

Hope you don't mind, Nicole, that I borrowed it. :)

Photography and me

{This post is strictly my opinion, and perception, so I don't mean to offend anyone.}


I love photography, no surprise there! I have always loved it. Even when I was little and didn't know anything about a camera I always LOVED looking at pictures, seeing different emotions in them; how they tell a story.

In the last few years as I've been doing my own photography I have a greater love for it. I love meeting people, I love capturing their emotions, their love, their happiness in pictures, helping people see how BEAUTIFUL they really are!

Tonight I had a realization.

I was waiting for my last session of the day to arrive at the location. While I was there I counted just how many photographers were also there.

about 8. All wondering around picking the next spot to take their pictures.

The realization that I came to was something I've known for a long time now, but man it really hit me tonight.

Utah is one competitive place! How in the world do people choose who they want to photograph them?

The interesting thing is that so many of these Utah photographers are Mom's, stay at home moms who want help bring in income, or who just do it for fun. Regardless, there are so many out there doing it. I often wonder if they do it because others are doing it, and being in Utah when one person does something, others follow. Or, is it something they really have a passion for?

I have known people who start their own photography business because their friends are doing it, and it seems like fun. Cool! More power to you!

I have known people who start their own Photography business because they found that they know how to change colors in photoshop and figure they can now start taking pictures and open their own business because of it. Even though they've never really done it before, besides the intro to Photography class in High school. Ok!

Again, Utah is saturated with Photographers. How can I compete?! It's tough, but I've been very blessed with amazing clients, and I'm grateful.

At times I wonder if it would be easier to move out of Utah and REALLY find out who I am as a photographer, and not try to be like the next person, but finding my own style.

There are too many of the same styles around here.

There are also SO many REALLY good photographers and I honestly wonder how I can compete when they're so dang good. I need much more practice and need some new ideas.

500 Days of Summer

Good movie.

Customer service, and good people. (long post)

Ok, so I'm normally a really nice person. I'm not the type of person that gets mad at a total stranger; or I guess in a situation where I am the customer and they're serving me. I deal with customer service as a Manager at XanGo. I know what it's like when people get upset at me when I'm trying to help them, and they're completely unreasonable. I don't like being treated that way, therefore I don't treat people that way either. My parents always taught us to be kind to everyone.

However, lately I've been quite the opposite - not to the extreme by any means though. But the people who have dealt with me have been nothing but sweet, and then I always feel so bad. They don't deserve that.

This first example happened while seeing Lexus off at the Airport back in July. It was stressful. Poor girl didn't deserve that stress. She had missed her flight, and her mom wasn't happy to say the least. Poor Ryan, and poor Lex for being in the middle of it. I didn't like being a part of that stress either. I don't do well with stress. I don't like seeing people getting upset and frustrated. It makes me very tense and anxious.

I wanted to go and wait in the car several times, but wanted to support Ryan and wanted to see Lexus all the way to the end of her trip here.

When Ryan and Lex had to head to security, and after saying my goodbye's to Lexus, I decided to go and get the car and bring it around, since we had parked further then we wanted to (hence one reason to missing her first flight).

As I started driving to the airport gate where you have to pay I realized that I didn't have our ticket, it was in Ryan's pocket. "no problem, they'll understand. I'll just tell them what time we had gotten there, (about 4 hours ago)".

I get to the gate and proceed to tell the gentleman, I think his name was Ahmad. "you don't have your ticket?" he said. "No, my husband has it inside the airport, but we got here at 11am". He then proceeded to say something that was pretty much the straw that broke the camels back.

"since you don't have your ticket we have to charge you $28".

"TWENTY-EIGHT DOLLARS?!" I exclaimed. "Are you kidding me?!...then can I go back and get the ticket from my husband and come back?" I was not about to pay $28. NO WAY!

Ahmad proceeded to pick up the phone and ask someone who worked there what the best option was. At this point I couldn't help but become emotional. I think it was all the stress that I was feeling from earlier, and then to have this happen.

Ahmad got off the phone after a few minutes and told me that I would have to backup and go back to the airport. Umm, hi, there was a car behind me. I was too embarrassed to go through all this. At this point the tears were streaming down my face and I exclaimed..."Just take my card and charge me the $28, just take it!!!". More tears came streaming down as I waited for him to charge me, party because I was so upset that I had to pay that much, upset that I had snapped at this sweet gentleman, and just too stressed for my emotions to handle the situation.

After about 5 minutes of waiting and wondering what was taking so long for him to charge my card, and continuing to cry in my car, sweet Ahmad gave the card back to me and said,

"I'm only going to charge you $5, don't worry about anything."

I looked at him, stunned by what he was saying. "Really?! Are you sure?!" I cried out.

"Yes, no problem at all", he said.

"Thank you so much! I'm so sorry...it's been such a crazy day", I replied.

"You have a good day, Ma'am." he said in his best English accent.

I cried even more, and prayed out loud asking the Lord to bless this sweet man for his generosity and kindness, despite my outburst. And to forgive me for being snappy with him.

..........................

Last Friday I went to Iceberg just before work to get something for breakfast. I normally don't go to Iceberg, but that morning I was starving, and since Iceberg is right next door to XanGo that's where I was going.

I place my order of a breakfast burrito and could barely hear the lady in the megaphone. She had a very thick accent and I couldn't quite understand her. After placing my order I hear her say, "window". I guess that means proceed to the window.

I got there gave her a smile and she gave me my food and drink, followed by me giving her my card. After a few seconds she comes back and says, "no work, no work the card". Again, she had a thick accent and couldn't speak English very well.

"The card didn't work?" I asked, fear-full for a split second that there wasn't any money on the card, but there was. "weird - ok, well, try this one". I gave her a different card.

Again, a few seconds later she came back and said, "no work the card". I was feeling a bit aggravated by this time. I was hungry and I had to get to work.

"then something must be wrong with your machine because there is money on there, and on the other card".

She took the card again to try one more time. "No, it say no work. It say slide card". She said.

"Yes! You have to slide the card", I said feeling frustrated. "No, no work, no work". She repeated yet again.

I was fed up at this point and upset. "Fine! Here take the food!" I snapped as I passed the bag and drink out my window back to her. She could tell I was frustrated. I obviously didn't hide it well.

"no, no you keep food.", she said kindly. "No! I don't want the food if I'm not going to pay for it". I said.

"keep food, it garbage here.", as she said with a smile, meaning that if she was to take it back it would just go into the trash. "Are you sure?" I said. "Yes", she said.

"Thank you - I'm sorry". I said; regretting my behavior, and again saying a prayer of thanks for that sweet lady - and again asking forgiveness for my behavior.


Man, why do I do that?! They don't deserve that treatment.


I'm grateful for good people who help humble me, and help me realize that we're all trying our best and we should be more kind to everyone.

I'm grateful for those lessons, and for those good people.